posting buat lo (my first love story)

ini posting buat elo, seseorang yang pernah mengisi hidup gue dan kemudian pergi :

ehem...
gue gak tau harus mulai posting ini dari mana, sebenernya sih gue tau gak akan dibaca sama orang yang gue tuju.

okay, I hate you but I miss you , itu alasannya.

hemmm ...

oke oke gue mulai.

gue ngehubungin lo kemarin2 semata-mata karena gue kangen banget sama lo. gue gak tahan pengen tau kabar lo, gue gak tahan pengen banget ngobrol sama lo. lo sempat membuat gue berharap lagi sedikit. dan gue sempat berpikir untuk bermain tikung dan yaaah perbuatan tidak terpuji. oke gue salah.

tadi pagi, gue sadar. gue bener2 sadar sesadar-sadarnya.
lo udah sama orang lain. sebesar apa pun harapan yang lo kasih buat gue, gue gak semestinya mendekati lo lagi. INGET YAH, GUE GAK KAYAK PACAR LO YANG JELAS2 TAU LO PUNYA PACAR, TAPI DIA TETEP MAU NUNGGUIN LO PUTUS !! gue gak gitu.
kalo lo udah punya pacar, oke. gue gak akan deketin lo lagi.
gue gak akan pernah hubungin lo lagi sekangen apa pun gue nanti.
gue akan lawan rasa kangen itu demi menjaga harga diri gue yang terlalu mahal untuk dijatuhkan demi seseorang yang tidak ada harga dirinya seperti lo.

gue bukan elo yang menjalani hubungan dengan satu orang dan bercabang di belakang . gue orang yang punya harga diri . ketika gue menjalani hubungan dengan seseorang, berarti dia yang benar2 ada di hati gue dan dia yang gue pilih. gue bukan elo yang gak punya komitmen. gue bukan tipe orang yang ketika gue punya pacar, gue masih suka flirting2 sama orang lain . it's not myself kalo kata aputh.

pokoknya mulai sekarang gue berusaha menahan diri gue untuk benar2 tidak menyentuh segala sesuatu tentang lo. elo itu orang yang sangat salah untuk gue cintai. lo gak pantes dicintai oleh siapa pun malah. orang yang tidak punya komitmen sebaiknya tidak perlu hidup. karena hidup hanya untuk orang2 yang berani berkomitmen dan setia.

semoga gue benar2 bisa melawan rasa rindu dan kenangan semua tentang lo. gue berharap karma itu menimpa lo.
selamat tinggal. maaf kalo gue berubah pikiran.

my first love... my fisrt story...

first love and first story.
that's you for me ... you are not just names, but a story that will never be forgotten by the heart and memory. you're not the only one who fills my heart, but you also wrote the story in my heart. you do not I have but I always hope it magically came to make you change your mind.

you're my first love ... a person who first gave me a sense of love when I'm lonely. you made me believe, that everyone is entitled to love. you make me believe that I deserve to be loved. you give me love is beautiful. I always feel happy with you, I want to be with you, beside you and make you smile

when you say love, I do not believe it. I do not believe there is someone who comes into my life, close to me and say love me. it was very surprising, beautiful and makes me wonder. I doubt it, but I want to live with you. I'm afraid of being hurt, but I want to be loved and to love you. love words melt my heart ... Made me really believe you. you touch my heart in the right moment and you have me and my heart completely. every day I spent with happy, I feel the beauty of the world when I fell in love with you. I live this life full of confidence because I know, you take care of my heart. I believe you. I remember so much about you, about us, about all we've been through. I remember everything about you.

I remember when we met, I remember when you greeted me with your voice, I remember when you smiled at me, I remember when you held my hand, I remember when you glanced at me with a smile, beautiful eyes I remember when you see me, I remember when you said you loved me, and want to take care of me in your heart. I remember how you made me believe that you loved me, that you really like me and want to understand me. I remember our first date, on the first date you kissed me. I will never forget the way you kiss me. first kiss in my life from my first love.
all memories are stored in the hearts and memory. all about our love story. very meaningful and very beautiful for me. my first love story.

but all our wonderful memories and stories disappear. I'm not crying about our separation, but the way you left me that made me disappointed and sorry to have let the love for you there. so much that we spent together, but you never know. you betrayed everything I watch. you left our story like it never happened. you go with someone else so piercing my heart. you forget me, promise, all the words you love, all you forget and leave you for someone else new you know. you leave me for someone that you just know. It is very painful. I was kicked away from your life. I felt very very disappointed.

now I can see you. with others better. Why would I be happy to see you with someone else? no. I can not willingly. This hurt. hate this heart to see you happy. I feel like destroying all the happiness you with other people and I replace with the same pain like the pain of my heart. you should know the pain of betrayal by someone you trust. pain. you never feel it, right? why did you do that to me? Why would I ever do that? Why would I betray you?

god, I prayed, I begged and asked to you,
This hurt because it was betrayed by someone I loved.
I love people who are now living happily with another person and I cry sad about losing him. god, this is very unfair. why she was happy and I do not?
why they were laughing at the misery?
I have never been hurt, why do I hurt?
I never betrayed, why am I betrayed?
I always try to make the people I love happy, but why did he make me cry? it was very unfair.
god, please listen to my prayers ...
I hurt ...
I want someone who hurt me to get a more painful, and he apologized to me ...
god, now I can only say goodbye to people I love, when I loved him. I have to let it go far from my heart.
I can only pray to you that I got a better man :(

apa yang salah dari seseorang yang ...

hidup gue bener2 terasa gak gampang ... gue bener-bener ngerasa sendirian banget banget banget ... ini liburan paling kelabu yang pernah gue alami . di tengah suasana hati gue yang bener-bener kacau dan hampa banget . kemaren gue abis jalan2 di daerah kota tua sama temen-temen gue dan bener-bener sedih ngeliat temen gue sayang-sayangan , pacaran sedangkan gue .... cuma nontonin . kapan gue bisa ngajak pacar gue jalan trus disayang-sayang gitu .
gue pengen banget .
stiap liburan gue lalui sendirian , tanpa pacar , tanpa seseorang yang membuat gue punya semangat hidup lebih lama.

people who I love to close the ears to hear what happened to me. I just want him to know what I feel. why I left the people I care? I did not hurt them but I always get hurt. it was very unfair.
when I was tortured here, people who hurt me even having fun on top of my pain. instead he blamed me, why I was so stupid. what stupid names when we love someone very deeply?

yah, mantan pacar gue bilang gue yang berpikiran cetek , gue bodoh , gue tolol , gue yang salah , gue gak pernah berubah , gue gak tau diri karena dinasehatin sama dia tapi gue malah gak tau terima kasih.

seandainya gue masih mampu berkata-kata , seandainya gue gak takut mendengar kata-kata dia berikutnya , mungkin gue akan bertanya sama dia , gue akan membalikkan .

"salah gue ? apa yang salah dari seseorang yang mencintai orang lain terlalu dalam dan terlalu tulus ? itu salah gue ? oke, berarti mencintai lo itu pun sebuah kesalahan . dan kenal sama lo itu suatu kebodohan yang gak pernah bisa gue maafin."

tapi gue batalin niat gue nanya kaya gitu .

the question always lingered in my mind: what is wrong from someone who loves someone else too deep?

What wrong if I was in love with him?
what is wrong?
love someone? can not forget someone?
if I could choose, I do not want to love him. if I know eventually be like this, I would never want to know him.

sekali lagi gue bertanya , apa yang salah dari seseorang yang mencintai orang lain terlalu dalam ?? apanya ?